And They All Lived Happily Ever After

Eight months ago this week, my husband left.

After nearly twelve years of marriage, I never imagined I'd be where I am today...comforting my hurting children, and aching with the pain of an extremely broken heart. In that brokenness of sin and betrayal, I can tell you that nothing is what you expect it will be in such a situation. I have spent many months in prayer; seeking direction from the Lord, while picking up the pieces of our shattered lives. I prayed for, and believed there would be reconciliation, but there hasn't been. And in that I've come to understand scripture like never before!

If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up."
(Dan 3:17-18)

I am confident that God is in every detail of our lives and knows what I don't. There I find my rest and my peace. I grieve that anyone could go through this with out finding their hope and comfort in the one true God. Only there have I understood real love and forgiveness.

Let me make it very clear that Christ is my King and my husband is not (though I may have been guilty of letting him take on that role). It has been difficult for me to relinquish my ideas of happiness and my hopes and dreams that were placed in and with the mere man that I married. I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father makes Himself known, surrounds me with His wings,

Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings, (Psa 17:8)

lifts me from the pit of despair

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. (Psa 103:2-5)

and calls me His heir!

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.
(Rom 8:15-17)

Without Him, I would be condemned to being alone, lonely, and desperate.

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." (Deu 31:6)

With Him I have life and hope.

"And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. (Psa 39:7)

Today my children and I will finish up our first study on the names of God. If you really, truly want to know who He is, you need look no further than His very names. Here is where you'll find me today: Clinging to El Elyon (God Most High--Gen 14:16-20). Crying out to Jehovah-rapha (The LORD heals--Exod 15:22-26). Singing out to Jehovah-saboath (The LORD delivers--I Sam 1:1-11). Knowing that He is my Jehovah-jireh (The LORD provides--Gen 22) and my Jehovah-shalom (The LORD is peace--Judges 6). And if you know me at all, you'll know that today and always He is my Jehovah-nissi (The LORD is my banner--Exod 17:8-16) and my Jehovah-raah (The LORD is my shepherd--Ps 23).

I'm ashamed, or maybe more amazed, to say that before this happened, I knew very few people who had gone through what my family is going through. I have been very sheltered by a family who has loved God and loved each other. Therefore, they have found unity in Christ and practiced faithfulness in ways that give new meaning to long-suffering. But as I've journeyed this quite different road, I've met with many of the "widows and orphans" of the 21st century: Families destroyed by unfaithfulness and selfishness. I've seen the destructiveness of sin up close and way too personally. I've experienced a pain like no other--the pain of my own sin and the pain thrust upon me by my husband--and met some of the most amazing over-comers in the form of Godly women abandoned by men, but embraced by the Father.

In case you are wondering, Satan is alive and evil and attacking the hearts of those who fill their lives with themselves. In this age of attack on marriage, Satan is having a hey-day. Some recognize him more easily than others. Some are gently swayed by the Father of Lies who appears as an angel of light. He is called the Father of Lies because lies hold a power that is unmatched in warping, twisting, and purging the human heart of any need for, or love of the things of God. Self becomes exalted to the throne of glory and our Father in Heaven is ignored. No longer is His Sovereignty recognized. No longer is it "His will be done", but "My will be done".

And there in lies the rub. As my Heavenly Father, I cry out to Him. I cling to Him. I crawl up in His lap and He absorbs my every tear. He is who I want to be like. He is whom I rely on. He is always there. He never fails me.

As you can imagine, I could go on and on as my heart pours forth from this morning of worship. My hearts weeps over the sin that so easily entangles. Thankfully, my story doesn't end there. It is a story of hope and endurance. And glory. God's glory.

but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. (Isa 40:31)

It's been a very hard year, and it's not through yet. Each day brings new grief and new strength also. Each hour I am faced with life without the person that I am supposed to be "one" with. Each minute I'm confronted with a divorce that I don't want. Some tell me it gets better; some say it'll get worse. Is it no wonder that our sin grieves the Lord?! I look into the eyes of my beautiful children and wipe away their tears. I hold them after the bad dreams. Soothe their tummy aches, their head aches, and their aching hearts--things no child should have to endure--and I tell them about Jehovah-rapha who promises to turn the bitter into sweet (Exodus 15:23-26). I assure them that what Satan, and sinful man, means for evil, God means for good. What can mere man do to us? I remind them constantly that they are not alone: God is with us.

I get it now. The firm foundation; the verses about shifting sand and not being shaken. The truth about standing on the rock.

I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. (Psa 40:1-2)

Where else would I rather be? Is there any better place than firmly in the grip of my Savior? I know there is not. God continues the work He began in me and I know that He will not allow His glory to be set aside.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. (Php 1:6)

I praise Him for who He is! I praise Him because He is El Roi--the God who sees (Gen 16)--and that He knows all that I don't; every bit of my life that He asks me to trust Him with.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. (Pro 3:5-6)

I'm so thankful for the fellowship of believers who have surrounded us in love, prayer, comfort and understanding.

Please. If you know someone who is going through this, or has gone through this, I entreat you to go love them. Love them with your presence, your time, your kindness. Assure them of the Father's love and faithfulness. Please let them know that God never leaves us or forsakes us when we put our hope and trust in Him.

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Eph 4:1-3)

And pray. Pray for your husbands, your friends' marriages, your relationships with God. Pray that He alone will have the glory in your life. Fear what He thinks of you, more than what others might think of you, including your husband. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength.

You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. (Deu 6:5)

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, (Heb 12:1)

One of the first passages that God brought to my attention when this journey began, was this one about Peter keeping his eyes on Jesus:

But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid." And Peter answered him, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water." He said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me." Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God." (Mat 14:27-33)

I want to keep my eyes firmly fixed on Him in the midst of this turmoil. It's not always easy, but that is my plea. The children and I have chosen this Mark Schultz song, "He Is" for our prayer:

Father, let the world just fade away
Let me feel your presence in this place
Lord, I’ve never been so weary
How I need to know you’re near me

Father, let the world just fade away

Till I’m on my knees
Till my heart can sing

He is
He was
He always will be

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
He is

Father, let your Holy Spirit sing
Let it calm the storm inside of me
As I stand amazed
Lift my hands and say

He is
He was
He always will be

He lives
He loves
He’s always with me

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Through every fear
And every doubt
And every tear I shed
Down every road
I’m not alone
No matter where I am

He is
He was
And He always will be

He lives
He loves
He’s always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Be still, and know
Be still, my soul
He is

by Mark Schultz

What's Different About 5th Grade

I've been noticing some very new, very different, and very welcome trends from my now 5th grade son.

Writing. The first big thing to change happened first in our Heart of Wisdom: Adam to Abraham study for History. He was given a chance to write a "journal entry" as if he was part of the story. "Write a paragraph" turned into pages! And he's still adding to it. We've added written narration in a couple of other topics and he's taken off with those as well. And his neatness is improving.

Then there was our recent trip to the King Tut exhibit. I looked around for him, only to see him glued to an exhibit. I watched him as he carefully read the placard, then studied the artifact. This continued throughout the exhibit. Then just this week at the zoo, I found him again reading placards that he has passed no less than 50 times! Instead of "playing", he was studying! This is way cool, if you ask me!

Then there's the reading. He seemed to have developed a renewed passion for reading. He's always liked reading, but seemed to get into a lull toward the end of last year. There may or may not be a reason for it, but regardless, I no longer have to bug the tar out of him to take a book in the car.

Alert! Alert!--Son is working on geometry as we speak and not only is he grinning from ear to ear, he just asked me if he could "TAKE LONGER" so that he could add to the geometric design. May wonders never cease!

Back to the reading. Son has multiple books going--school and for fun. Rather than only read what's required, he's read ahead in all of his assigned books.
And let's just talk about the math. If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you know a few things about us. We have used RightStart from the beginning and we love it, however, we have had our share of weeping fits due to certain math concepts, and math in general. We've often ended a math lesson on the floor under the table, or hours after we've started, or even swearing that math is a tool of Satan. But NOW we're in FIFTH grade!

When we went to the convention to get this years math, we got a surprise. Not only were we to do RightStart's final level "Geometry", they were recommending we alternate the Geometry lessons with Algebra (VideoText Interactive). So, not knowing any better, I bought them both and planned the year. It didn't take long to notice that the Algebra was recommended for 7th grade. That was two years away, but at this point son was anxiously awaiting Algebra because of a wacky Algebra-loving friend! So we agreed to try both. So far, he's doing both and doing them well.

The Geometry he is doing 100% independently. Whoo-hoo! He really likes doing it all by himself too! Never thought that would happen, especially with MATH! We may not get very far in the Algebra, but even urges to quit haven't lasted more than a couple of minutes. Without much persuasion, he's continued to give his best.

We're only six weeks into school, so I'm wondering what other surprises this sweet ten year old boy will have in store. He's had a very rough year emotionally what with family crisis to the nth degree, but he continues to remind me that trusting God is the best way.

Band Days

Once upon a time many, many years ago, there was band. Thee band. Thee marching band. Band was my life. It's where all my friends congregated and spent just about every waking hour apart from school. It was all that really mattered. It was full of drama and excitement; heartache and misery--and everyone who was in it, loved it. You just weren't in band if you didn't love it. There was band camp, band trips, band competitions. There were football games, state fair...but mostly practice. Practice, practice, practice! Practice marching, practice playing. Then there was practice twirling and practice throwing. That came after the instruments lost their glitter and shine and flags and rifles took their place. I have so many memories from band I could write a book. And what a book, THAT would be.


Though we all moved on from high school band, the joy that it brought remains (even over the misery!) and I find myself signing my son up for beginning band! Now, in many ways I've been waiting for this for years. My parents did own a music store, after all. My children could and would have their choice of ANY instrument in the joint.

Little did I know that the very week he was to choose an instrument, my father would begin the process of closing the music store after nearly 50 years in business. The sinking feeling set in. Now I would have to go through what every other band parent has ever endured: picking one instrument and sticking to it! So, he chose the trombone. It's a good fit. He is tall and has very long arms. His grandpa played the trombone. And if you went to high school with me, you know who ELSE played trombone! (And it wasn't me.)


Now, this is not his mother's band! This is a homeschool band. Much, much smaller. Way less drama! The band director is such a sweet gal. They'll be meeting once a week throughout the year. My son was very excited that the first handout spoke of playing music to the glory of God! He keeps asking me if he'll be good at playing the trombone. My days in the music store have taught me that no instrument is easy to learn, but the benefits are endless! With practice, he'll be a fine trombone player. I hope that he remembers that 1st handout and always plays for the glory of God. If he does, he can't possibly fail!

Stephen Meader Books Republished

We've been using Truthquest History for the past three years. We love it, because we love living books and don't care for textbooks. It's always interesting to try to find the older books which are no longer available in public libraries. When we do come across one, we find them to really be worth the effort! I don't believe we've ever been disappointed by a Truthquest recommended book. It is quite frustrating for me to hear that something is "fabulous, but too rare to find". That is like pouring salt on a wound!

Imagine my surprise when I found this website which is reprinting Stephen Meader's books! Yippee! If you have boys, or even if you don't, you will want to check out these books. Now, I know they aren't cheap, but given that they would be lost forever to most of the reading world, they're a bargain!

God Provides

God provides. We know it. We've read it. Some of us believe it. Many of us have experienced it. Many of us will have to experience it. Understanding it, though, is often a different matter. Though we've read His story in the Bible, our perspective, or our knowledge is often limited to our own experiences. We know that there are profound purposes for the telling and retelling, but the familiarity of the oft retold stories becomes a barrier to believing and we just forget. We forget why He gave us His Word.

I was so excited to see this offering today! First of all I love, love, love Dean Jones! What an amazing man of God, as well as an amazing actor who is putting before us some incredible resources. Crown Financial Ministries, the group that Larry Burkett began to provide us with Biblical counseling in regard to stewardship of money, has now made these series of films on God's provision. I really can't wait to see them!

Go here to see the trailers for each film.

Weeks in Review 8/28/09 & 9/4/09

Son...
...continues to amaze me with his diligence in tackling geometry.
...read "Weekend with Leonardo DaVinci".
...read 1/2 of "The Young Brahms" and loved it!
...really enjoyed seeing the King Tut exhibit and making a new friend.
...finished part 2 of the study of Turkey (the place; not the food!) in A Child's Geography: The Holy Land.
...read chapter about pronouns in "Grammarland".
...was sick Friday.

Daughter...
...is fluently adding numbers up to 10.
...began her new ballet class and loves it (of course)!
...is writing very neatly.
...and is very quick with her spelling.
...did great at King Tut and loves her hieroglyphics stencil.
...was sick Thursday.



The Mama...
...began new Lamplighter read-aloud: "The Probable Sons".
...wants to finish "Trusting God", by Jerry Bridges, this week.
...is also reading the Lamplighter "House of Love".
...was sick Thursday.

Week in Review 8/21/09

And our 2nd week...

Son...
...is flying through "Carry On, Mr. Bowditch". Loves it.
...handled his first algebraic stumbling block very well.
...began writing full-page narration! Whoopppeee!
...began regular tennis lessons after enjoying a tennis camp.
...started reading "Adam and His Kin" and really loves it, too!
...got his trombone put together for the 1st time.
...getting excited to go see the King Tut exhibit next week.




Daughter...
...continued to fly through her math.
...continued to also fly through her phonograms!
...started her new learning log for spelling.
...began regular copywork.
...watched video of "God's Story" on Christian Answers, with brother.
...is enjoying being read to much more as of late.
...also enjoyed her tennis lessons.


The Mama...
...is setting up some good routines.
...is thankful both children are enjoying their lessons!
...loves the new resources for this year.
...read together about William Cowper in "Mr. Pipes" book.
Learned the hymn, "Sometimes a Light Surprises."
...needs more time in the day.
...is determined to stick with nature study even though it's most out of character!
...may have to set "Swimming Creatures.." aside--tough decision.
...finished reading "The Hidden Hand", by E.D.E.N. Southward.

Week in Review 8/14/09

A little late, but here's what happened our first week:

Son...
...started 5th grade.
...began geometry completely on his own.
...also decided to tackle algebra.
...learned his first latin words.
...committed to reading his Bible on his own.
...stood with the Lincoln family.
...toured the Lincoln home, tomb, & museum/library.
...did first written narration, on the creation story, with minimal hysterics.
...began reading about Leonardo DaVinci.
...read "First Book of Ancient Egypt".
...began reading "Carry On, Mr. Bowditch."


Daughter...
...began Kindergarten.
...got to skip several math lessons.
...quizzed all phonograms: oral & written.
...heard the creation story.
...excitedly continued her reading from her reader.
...was always ready for the next thing.


The Mama...
...met Monday with joy and relief!
...invited the Holy Spirit to be present in all we do.
...cheered daughter as she got into the swing of participating more in lessons.
...drove to Springfield, Illinois to see Lincoln.
...was rejoicing to have friends along!
...was ready for the weekend.


**My apologies to Daisy for stealing her idea for this post! Forgive me!

It IS August After All

It is August! And with it come so many reminders. Reminders that summer has come and gone; that school is starting. Reminders that it's time to begin thinking about jeans and sweaters; fall decorating and stocking up on tea and cocoa.

For me, this August must be a fresh start. One of pressing forwarding and holding on. One of enduring with courage; a patience made manifest in and inspired by hope. There is much to do and no time for dragging and lagging and ruminating of sorrows so horribly thrust upon us. It's time to instruct and heed instruction.

Emotionally we are coping. Waiting. Praying.

Me? I'm desperately seeking the new normal. Each day is filled with blessings and trials. We battle the trials and embrace the blessings: New church, new friends, new school year. New shape for our family. New day, new hour, new minute. But always aware of the presence of the Lord.

We are into our 2nd week of school and already tweaking our schedule, thinking about routines (Daisy!) and reflecting on our 1st days. We have some GREAT resources to use this year. Many new and wonderful helps that God has poured upon us. Want to know what we're doing? I'll tell you shortly.

Him Who Is Greater

Suddenly my world was not as I had ordered it. Things got tough; then got tougher. The pain of brokenness had set in and the battle was on. Where was God? I knew He was there. I wanted to believe all that I'd ever been taught. "Oh yea of little faith!" The revelation; the unveiling of "Him Who Is Greater", was about to begin.

My children and I climbed in the van to run some errands. It was morning, which was a somewhat unusual time for us to be in the car. We had taken to listening to Moody Radio because we enjoyed the older praise music and hymns they played, over the louder, more current Christian music. So I turned on the radio and settled in for a 35 minute drive. For the first 5 minutes I stared at the road and listened to the transition from one program to another. The kids were quiet; each attentive to some gee-gaw they had brought in the car.

The announcement for the next program came on. I wasn't paying that much attention. The preacher's name was given--hadn't heard of him. But then they said the name of the sermon: "Trusting God in the Midst of Crisis". I mumbled under my breath...something to the effect of "yea...sure." But God had my attention and for the next 30 minutes, I listen to James MacDonald of Walk in the Word, remind me who God really is. The tears began to fall and at one point I remember asking my 9yo son, "Are you listening to this?" He answered that he was.

We pulled into our destination. It just so happened that we had driven this far to find a Lifeway store so as to purchase a Beth Moore Bible Study book. (I'll tell you more about that later!) We sat in the parking lot, listening to the last couple of minutes of the program. Still crying, my son says to me, "Mama? How does that man know us?" I told him, "He doesn't know us, but God does and He wants us to trust Him. Do you think we can trust Him?" And my son, with tears in his little eyes said, "Yes!"

Yes! We can trust Him. "Him" who is able to do exceeding and abundantly beyond anything we can imagine. "Him" who sent His son to die for us. "Him" who put us here in the first place. "Him" who promises to never leave us...that "Him". Then we really knew we'd be okay.

Not one to let a good resource slip past me, when we got home, I got out my handy-dandy laptop and looked up this James MacDonald fella. That was when I found out that the message I had heard was the culmination of a series of messages entitled, "Always True: 5 Great and Precious Promises of God". I listened to the whole series, over and over. I cannot tell you how much it helped me to focus on who God is, rather than my own hurt! This was the beginning of really understanding that the key to my mess was glorifying God.

I'm not sure of all the answers to all the questions, but I know that I always believed that was precisely what I was doing--glorifying God. I was a believer from childhood and had all the Bible knowledge and experience to believe all the right things. I truly thought God was the most important thing in my life! But, when God begins to show you who He really is, coupled with who YOU really are!...a glory thief...the results can be somewhat distasteful. Add to that, suffering the consequences of seeking your own way and you get a muddy pile of clay at the bottom of a mud hole pit.

Enter the potter.

I Bless Your Name

When you find yourself imprisoned in your mind, bless His name; defy the chains.

What I've Been Up To While Away From Blogging

Surprise! I'm still alive. You know...what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger?! It's a fact, for God is faithful beyond anything that we can even imagine.

Without going into a lot of detail, the past months have been painful, trying, painful, slow, fast, full. That about covers it!
I've read some REALLY good books that have impacted me tremendously; and I'll share those with you soon.

I've discovered SO much about myself as a child of the King of Glory. You'll probably get to hear about that too!

I've learned some truths about said King that have rocked my world! Oh! He's much bigger than you may be thinking. Creator, Savior? That's nothing compared to who He is in all His majesty!

I've also cried a hundred, million tears...each of which are safely in the hands of the Lord.

I know you're curious. I would be. It's very hard to share personal traumas that are so private, so that is why I've been "away". I've received your many notes though! I know many of you have been praying for my family. I am so grateful! We are the body of Christ and even out here in La-La-Land, we can take care of one another.

If I have any readers left out there, I appreciate your sticking "close" and checking back even after all this time. I feel like I've turned a corner in my journey and I'm eager to share the wonderful good news that has been revealed to me of God's faithfulness. He is so AMAZING! Amazing, amazing God!

My journey, and that of my family, is far from over. I wish I could report that it was, but I can unequivocally say that no journey worth taking--no road ever followed (regardless of whether or not you would have preferred to just "stay home")--ever truly comes to an end this side of eternity. So on we march!

His mercies TRULY are NEW EVERY single morning! Great is His faithfulness.

At this moment, I'm listening to birds and mowers, while a cool breeze drifts in my bedroom windows. My children are singing and dancing to praise music downstairs--LOUD praise music! We're expecting a bit of pool time later. School stuff is overflowing my brain. School stuff is ALWAYS overflowing my brain! There's just so much to do! :)

Come Lift Up Your Sorrows

Come Lift Up Your Sorrows
If you are wounded
And if you're alone
If you are angry
If you're heart is cold as stone

If you have fallen
And if you are weak
Then come find the worth of God
That only the suffering seek.

Come lift up your sorrows
And offer your pain
Come make a sacrifice
of all your shame
There in your wilderness
He's waiting for you
To worship Him with your wounds
for He's wounded too.

He has not stuttered
and He has not lied.
When He says come unto me
you're not disqualified

When you're heavy laden
You may want to depart
But those who know sorrow
They're closest to his heart

Come lift up your sorrows
And offer your pain
Come make a sacrifice
of all your shame
There in your wilderness
He's waiting for you
To worship Him with your wounds
for He's wounded too.

In this most holy place
He's made a sacred space
For those who will enter in
and trust to cry out to him
And you'll find no curtain there
No reason left for fear
There's perfect freedom here
To weep every unwept tear.

Come lift up your sorrows
And offer your pain
Come make a sacrifice
of all your shame
There in your wilderness
He's waiting for you
To worship Him with your wounds
for He's wounded too.

Michael Card,
from "The Hidden Face of God" album

Fear Not, Much-Afraid

The shepherd answered Much-Afraid: "Fear not, Much-Afraid, only believe. I promise that you shall not be put to shame. Go with [these companions] Sorrow and Suffering, and if you cannot welcome them now, when you come to the difficult places where you cannot manage alone, put your hands in theirs confidently and they will take you exactly where I want you to go."

Much-Afraid stood quite still, looking up into his face, which now had such a happy exultant look, the look of one who above all things else delights in saving and delivering. In her heart the words of a hymn, written by another of the Shepherd's followers, began to run through her mind and she started to sing softly and sweetly:

Let Sorrow do its work, send grief or pain;
Sweet are thy messengers sweet their refrain.
If they but work in me, more love, O Christ, to thee,
More love to thee, more love to thee.

Each time she shrinkingly took hold of the hand of either Sorrow or Suffering a pang went through her, but once their hands were grasped she found they had amazing strength, and seemed to pull and even lift her upwards and over places which she would have considered utterly impossible to reach.

"Hinds' Feet On High Places," by Hannah Hurnard

Purposeful & Deliberate

I was talking with the husband one day and he used the term "purposeful & deliberate". Though he was speaking about a specific use of time, suddenly those words were seared in my brain and I began to think about them. I began to think about my time, my days, my life, my family, and to wonder if the Lord could say to me that I was "purposeful and deliberate" in all that I do. Knowing, indeed, what the answer would be, it has haunted me ever since and is something that, no doubt, requires my attention.

I thought I'd look up the words in the Webster's 1828 (full of it's rich, Biblical definitions) to get a more clear understanding of them, and then determine in what manner I should be purposeful and deliberate. Let me add that these terms remind me of faithfulness and righteousness, yet those things seem so much about holiness that they seem to be something to achieve rather than the means of getting there. (Added emphasis is mine.)

Purpose PUR'POSE, n.

1. That which a person sets before himself as an object to be reached or accomplished; the end or aim to which the view is directed in any plan, measure or exertion. We believe the Supreme Being created intelligent beings for some benevolent and glorious purpose, and if so, how glorious and benevolent must be his purpose in the plan of redemption! The ambition of men is generally directed to one of two purposes, or to both; the acquisition of wealth or of power. We build houses for the purpose of shelter; we labor for the purpose of subsistence.

2. Intention; design. This sense, however, is hardly to be distinguished from the former; as purpose always includes the end in view.

Every purpose is established by counsel. Prov 20.

Being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will. Eph 1.


Of purpose, on purpose, with previous design; with the mind directed to that object. On purpose is more generally used, but the true phrase is of purpose.

PUR'POSE,v.t. To intend; to design; to resolve; to determine on some end or object to be accomplished.

I have purposed it, I will also do it. Isa 46. Eph 3.

End in view...intention, design, resolve, determine, accomplish...weighty stuff for this little 'ole brain!

Deliberate DELIBERATE, v.i. [L. To weigh.]

To weigh in the mind; to consider and examine the reasons for and against a measure; to estimate the weight or force of arguments, or the probable consequences of a measure, in order to a choice or decision; to pause and consider. A wise prince will deliberate before he wages war.

DELIBERATE, v.t. To balance in the mind; to weigh; to consider.

DELIBERATE, a.
1. Weighing facts and arguments with a view to a choice or decision; carefully considering the probable consequences of a step; circumspect; slow in determining; applies to persons; as a deliberate judge or counselor.

2. Formed with deliberation; well advised or considered; not sudden or rash; as a deliberate opinion; a deliberate measure, or result.

3. Slow; as a deliberate death or echo.

Decision, consideration, choice, slow...but I decide everyday! Yet often without consideration. Without being slow. Without being deliberate.

From the time my children were born I've taught them about consequences, yet it may very well be a lesson that I am only now learning myself. I believe that I should and can be more purposeful and deliberate in all that I do. No more just getting through it; but careful deliberation and decision, looking to the end objective for the purpose.

My family. Our spiritual life. Our home. Our schooling. How we spend each moment of our time together. What really matters?? When it's all said and done, what will matter? How should we live?